I actualy cant cope with me anymore?

I've been suffering from an eating disorder for the past 8 years (mainly bulimic tendancys but I go through periods of anorexic tendancys - at my very worst I wont eat at all for 3/4 days, I even struggle to drink water at this time, I take a lot of laxatives, water retention pills, diet pills, ANYTHING and will exercise like crazy. then i crack and have a massive binge and throw it all up and will then starve myself for another couple of days. I feel the need to be sick sometimes even when I havnt eaten.) I've always struggled with self harming behaviour, when I left primary school (aged 11) one of the dinner ladies gave me her number as she 'understood depression'. My mum is VERY anti depression, I dont think she believes its a real thing and growing up I just remember her telling me everyones gets depressed sometimes - you just get on with it, and thats always stuck with me. I thought everyone was unhappy. I dont have a lot of friends, I push everyone away - never let anyone get close because I know that either they'll hurt me, or worse - I'll hurt them. About a year and a half ago I moved into a new house with a married couple and two other guys who I care about SO much. They noticed that something was wrong with me and made me realise that the way I behave isnt normal. I tried to kill myself in March and got referred to a councillor who I saw once and then I cancelled the appointments. Last night I got stupidly drunk by myself, disappeared at 10 oclock (i can remember up to that) no one knew where I went and then stumbled back in at around 1 oclock in the morning with absolutely no clothes on. One of my housemates lives in an annex and I presume I was in there as thats where my clothes were found and I'd messed up his room. It was the husband who let me in and he says he heard a mans voice coming from the garden but I have no idea who it was, what I did or anything. The wife sent me a text this morning saying she could no longer be friends with me (shes been my rock, I cant believe Ive lost her :() as once again I'd made everything about me, plus theres the fact that I exposed myself in front of her husband. I missed work this morning and my housemate who lives in the annex told me I either sort myself out or I move out. I dont know what to do, the guilt is overwhelming me - I desperatly want to fix it but I dont know what to do!! I can understand there fed up with me, I'm fed up with me! I dont know what to do, I just feel so... lost.